The (Un) Secret Shopper

 

Hello shoppers…

 

The economic downturn had never personally touched me, nor anyone I know, until it touched my best friend, who lost his job last month.

“Al” had worked for Cub Foods in Ames for 12 years. He’d spent the 17 before that with Randall’s, which was purchased by Minneapolis-based mega-grocer Supervalu in 1998. (They also own the Cub Foods chain.)

Al started out as a 19 year-old Randall’s stocker in 1977, making $3.50 an hour.  On September 18th, he was a 52 year-old salaried Cub Foods Department Manager making a comfortable salary, plus good benefits. He’d worked 34 consecutive years in the grocery business.

The next day, it was over.

It ended with a bombshell, exploded on a group of hastily organized store staff by a Cubs’ rep dispatched from the Mother ship, detonated from safely behind his Corporate suit.

“After careful analysis, they’ve decided to close it down.”

Al says he almost burst out laughing – because it was so surreal, not so funny.

The culprits were identified, in low whispers: the location had been mismanaged from Minneapolis. The aging store hadn’t been remodeled in years. It had never been price competitive with the adjacent Walmart, or the two Hy-Vee’s in town, or the second Fareway which opened just down the road, 18 months ago. The economic slowdown had pushed it over the edge.

The staff was given 60 days notice. The lights were turned off and the store doors closed for the last time, on November 7th. The 100,000 square foot shell now sits dark and empty, about two blocks from Al’s apartment.

He survives on his severance, and will soon collect unemployment. He hasn’t applied for a job since President Carter was in office. His days are filled with waiting, and wondering who will hire a high school graduate who is 10 years away from retirement.

His daughter is scared. So is her father. So is his best friend.

I have known Al since I was 12 years old. We’ve grown up together, played tennis and golf together, watched Iowa State teams win and lose together, watched each other fall in and out of love together, traveled the country together and shared some of the best, and worst times of our lives together. 

We have never been touchy-feely towards each other; our connection has always been through laughter. There is less of it now, and it feels forced, at times. My heart hurts when I see him. I find myself reaching out and touching his shoulder before we part company, or tapping his leg. I want to reassure him. I want to lie, and tell him that everything will be alright. I want to hug him and tell him I love him.

He is my best friend – and one of over 15 million Americans without a job.

      

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, professional secret shopper, marketing strategist and host of The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show, Saturday mornings 8-9am, on 1350, KRNT.       

    

    

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Phone: 515-480-4190

 

Hello shoppers…

 

Most of you have probably seen this ad on TV – the one with the black and white images, threatening announcer voice and menacing music:

“What’s behind Kum and Go’s false and negative campaign against Casey’s? A record they’re desperate to hide! The truth is, Kum and Go raised their own prices on bananas 31%…THAT’S RIGHT! While Iowa families struggled, Kum and Go raised their own fresh fruit prices! Kum and Go even endorsed Convenience Store-Care, which cuts senior’s discounts on Slushees by another Billion dollars! Kum and Go…just another gas station running a false and negative campaign, to hide their support for a banana price increase!”

Or this ad:

“We’re Anderson Erickson Dairy, and we approved this message…

Swiss Valley Farms: ‘We’ve got to get back to personal responsibility.’

AE: Oh really, Swiss Valley Farms? The court ordered you to pay your unpaid milking bills. Threatened your company with foreclosure for failed cow payments – twice! And even filed a federal lien against you, Swiss Valley Farms, for thousand in unpaid cheese taxes.

Swiss Valley Farms: ‘We’ve got to get back to personal responsibility.’

AE: Swiss Valley Farms - unpaid bills; tax liens…

Swiss Valley Farms: ‘…personal responsibility.’

AE: And now they want you to buy their milk?”

Then there’s this ad:

“Mercy Hospital would turn back the clock. They’d close nursing schools across the state. End health care for thousands of Iowa children. Ban embryonic stem cell research. And slow the discovery of life-saving cures. Take away a woman’s right to make her own health care decisions. Mercy Hospital would force their own narrow views on our personal lives, and reverse decades of progress. Mercy Hospital is a risk not worth taking. Paid for by Methodist Hospital.”

And this one:

(Image of child playing with dump truck)

“He doesn’t know why Daddy hurts Mommie. He wants someone to make him stop. Since 1995, 135 Iowa women have been killed in domestic abuse murders. When Karl Chevrolet had a chance to help victims of domestic abuse, they said ‘no.’ Karl Chevrolet decided to let dangerous abusers buy cars, cars that will be used to kill innocent women and children. Say ‘no’ to Karl Chevrolet’s dangerous choices.”

None of these are real ads, of course.

If the above were actual ads for Iowa companies, we would be outraged. We would be repulsed by their accusatory language and vitriolic tone, and would reject them out of hand. We would never support, or buy from companies who would use such tactics in an attempt to destroy their competitors, and gain our patronage.   

Those companies would go bankrupt.

Instead, these are ads for Iowa political candidates - nearly verbatim wording that was lifted from actual TV campaign commercials.

These ads (and hundreds of similar ones) represent candidates who are, in a real sense, just like companies, except they have become morally bankrupt, even if we won’t bankrupt their candidacies by not voting for them.

Wave upon wave of attack messages have been unleashed upon us - by people who we presume to be otherwise good, wholesome men and women, who have allowed their lust for power to overpower their moral compass, crush their sense of civility and decency, and shred the fabric of their own humanity.

It is not “politics as usual.” It is a cesspool of hatred and fear, of stupidity and mistrust, of back-stabbing and divisiveness, created by people who claim to represent us as our best and brightest, who instead have become symbols of our worst, and darkest.

We are better than this.

Tomorrow, let us prove it.

Tuesday, flip the lever inside yourself that’s marked with your name: plant a tree. Start a blog. Call a friend. Jog a mile. Make a plan. Greet a stranger. Kick the habit. Hug your kids. Volunteer. Make a difference. Begin the journey. Start a revolution. Self-actualize.

Make the buck stop with you. Not them: You.

Choices, someone once said, would be much easier if there were only one. Tomorrow, you can consider dozens of candidates – who are or soon will be the problem - or narrow it down to yourself, who is and always has been the solution.

You can vote to give someone else your power, and drop a pebble into the ocean, or you can decide to empower yourself, and slam a boulder into a pond.

Make the bolder move.

      

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, professional secret shopper, marketing strategist and host of The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show, Saturday mornings 8-9am, on 1350, KRNT.       

    

    

Click to be taken to Jonnie’s Facebook page    

Click to be taken to Jonnie’s Twitter page    

Click to be taken to Jonnie’s blog    

Click to email Jonnie (jonnie@theunsecretshopper.com)    

Phone: 515-480-4190 

 

Hello shoppers…

 

I thought of this idea about 17 minutes ago so if it smells “brain fresh,” it is.

Here’s the idea: don’t transmit this weekend.

No Tweets on Twitter. No posts on Facebook. No blog posts. No texts. No outgoing phone calls. No sending emails. Let’s even keep the old-school talking to a minimum, eh?

My fingers are shaking as I type this. Gena Davis in The Fly: “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

Yet I find some peace, reading the forecast. It seems like a good weekend weather-wise for stepping away from the PC keyboard and Blackberry - sunny, mild, pleasant. Isn’t that how all of us in the Midwest, judge our ability to execute any activity, by the dumb weather? But sure, I wouldn’t be dumb enough to present this idea if the Sat-Sun forecast was for clouds, rain and cold. Make it hard, God, but don’t make it impossible.

Flipping off our output switch for 48-ish hours seems like a reasonable way to figure out a couple of things.

 

1. Can we still listen?

Maybe we haven’t been listening, REALLY listening for a while - how would we know? We’ve been too busy hoping someone else was listening, to us, while we blathered on. Our agendas are like huge bubbles of gas in our guts – they’ve just GOT to come out or we’ll explode.

But all that farting around we do – FB’ing, TW’ing, BL’ing, TX’ing, IM’ing, etc’ing - means our megaphone is constantly on high volume. How can we possibly hear what someone else is saying if we’re always talking? With all of our emotional vomiting, are we still even capable of digesting?

 

2. Will anyone miss what we have to say?

Like John Lennon sang, “Everybody’s talkin – but no one says a word.” Are we saying anything that’s worth missing, if we were to take it away? Most of us are in this semi-constant state of getting whatever’s inside of us, outside of us, of wanting our point of view known by as many people as will have it, or at least by one person who we hope and pray is reading us, hearing us, getting us.

If a tree doesn’t fall in the woods and doesn’t make a sound, will anyone miss the lack of it, in the still of the silence?

 

3. Is anyone else saying anything worth listening to?

The most brilliant things that others say, seem to come from a lot of famous/infamous dead people who are constantly quoted on all the social network platforms with their pithy utterances.

That’s fine – it makes us feel smart and feel as if we seem smart, to use smart things that smart people have said, and “say” them ourselves.

But quoting from the pithy, ain’t the same as being pithy. Within the dull roar of what’s left, can any of it, touch us?

 

And so my dear friends, I step into the breech tomorrow, after my Saturday morning radio show is over.

I will slowly step away from the mic, click the red “off” button and, at 9:01am, begin a sojourn of listening – just listening.

I’m scared – not just for what I won’t be able to say, but for what’s been said all this time that I have not heard.

The enormity of what I may have been missing out there feels overwhelming as does my growing feeling of shame and guilt, for having missed so much – like I’ve had my eyes closed for the entire trip on a tour bus through Europe, then got a call from a friend who asks, “Was it beautiful?”

I’m so sorry – I missed it all.

But there’s another bus, and another journey ahead. I’ll keep my eyes open this time – and try not to miss a thing.

I’ll shut up now.

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service…

(click)

 

Hello shoppers…

All of us living, working and farming within eyeshot of 801 Grand, were happier than kindergarteners on Chocolate Milk Friday when we heard that Forbes Magazine had voted Des Moines, the best city in the U.S. for business and careers.

 

It must be most gratifying for those of you who pounded in stakes through wind-blown mounds of snow, and never left - you can put your tongue back in your mouth, now. Yet it’s also pretty-GET THAT THING BACK IN THERE! Geesh.

Yet it’s also pretty cool to us yellow-bellied side-windin varmital traitors, who ran from Des Moines over the years like it was on fire. At least give us credit for giving up our better paying gigs, better tan lines and fun big city TV news that always leads with, “Another murder…,” “Gunfire erupted…” or “Beyonce was spotted…” in return for…umm…

Let me get back to you.

All I know is that we’re all here and we’re staying (ka)put and we’re proud as punch that the city we’ve chosen as our home, has been nationally recognized.

Of all the metrics used in the Forbes study, however - cost of living, crime rate, job growth, subprime mortgages, college attainment and seven more – there is one glaring omission in the greenish brown eyes and the left one’s creepily larger than the other, of this humble Secret Shopper: quality of customer service.

As this appears to be a hole you could drive a tractor through - not a silly little combine but one of those uber-wide monsters than can haphazardly spray deadly Treflan on, like, nine acres at a time - I’m pulling up my John Deere, laying on the airhorn that exists only on farm implements in strained analogies and presenting to you, The Des Moines Customer Service Survey.

 

 It consists of 10 online questions, created by your friendly question-making Unsecret Shopper. Each focuses on a fundamental part of what most of us would generally consider good customer service – greeting, smiling, engaging and thanking. There is much room for survey – taker feedback.

It’ll take you about as many minutes to complete as eating a bowl of Cap N’ Crunch, provided you read only the front and back and not the sides of the box and go with toast, not an english muffin. (1 piece only please, lightly buttered – ohhhh okay, put a little Skippy on, if ya gotta – ya know I spoil you, right?) 

Agreed, this is about as scientific as meteorologist John Mclaughlin seeing 3 out of 10 cows lying down on his way in to the KCCI studio, then reporting “a 30% chance of rain,” but at least it’s a starting point.

The goal: 5,000 responses. I’ve got 3 – I filled it out, and made two friends do it.

Now it’s your turn.

Take the Des Moines Customer Service Survey by clicking here.

Here’s the actual link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/7L5RR8P

Please pass this link along to all your friends, via email, Facebook, Twitter, however your roll - much appreciated.  

I’ll give you an update on the results next week.

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, professional secret shopper, marketing strategist and host of “The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show,” Saturday mornings 8-9am on 1350 KRNT. Email Jonnie at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.

 

Hello shoppers…

Revelations this week from the world of retail have me shrugging my shoulders more than a monkey at a spelling bee.

It appears that an incredibly strange and unknown force is making women over 50 buy more clothes online, and less at brick and mortar stores.

 

This, according to research just released from Mediapost Communications, a media, marketing and advertising research company in New York.

600 women were surveyed about what clothes they buy, where they buy them and why. 

13% of the women surveyed indicated they buy their clothes online exclusively – nowhere else. 66% said they do some of their clothes shopping online.

Wow – that’s a real head-scratcher. And the numbers get even stranger.

84% of the women said the salespeople who wait on them are “indifferent, inexperienced, invisible or outright rude.”

 

Hmm. I’m still not getting it. What’s the correlation?

I tell you what - I’d like to ask any woman over 50 who is reading this post, if you’d like to talk about what these numbers mean, in person. We can meet at my place – whadaya say? Are you game? Great! 

First, though, I need to lay down a few ground rules.

When you get to my door, don’t expect me to answer it. Just come in and stand there and see if you can spot me. Not that I’ll make the first move towards you and act like I’m excited to see you if I do see you! I mean, come on, let’s be real – do you know how many women have come over and shared their viewpoint with me? Ha! I can’t count that high! Honestly, you’re just a number.

 

Plus I almost certainly won’t be there to greet you anyway as I’ll either be on the phone or busy folding laundry or dusting shelves or talking and laughing with a friend of mine who also lives in the house. 

So basically it’s going to be up to you to wonder around inside a space that’s completely foreign to you but that I know like the back of my hand – until you find me.

Still want to come over and share information? Haven’t lost you yet, have I? Okay, great!

Now after you’ve meandered around awkwardly looking for me, you’ll probably eventually find me. And, depending on what I’m doing and how busy I am, I will spot you – assuming I’m not talking with someone who is probably more interesting than you are. I know how jealous you can be! 

But instead of me acting like you actually belong in my house – even though we’ve agreed to get together to talk about the latest research on women over 50 and their apparel purchasing habits – I’m going to greet you as if we’ve never had this conversation, as if your presence is completely unexpected and not terribly welcome.

I’ll demonstrate this by saying, “Can I help you?”

Boom! How will that feel? Won’t you feel stupid when I say that to you? And I won’t lessen the impact by smiling – in fact my body language will suggest just the opposite, that I’m miserable and would rather be somewhere else. Hey – you try being nice to people. It sucks!

At that point I’m going to let you answer the question – which will be one of the few times you’ll actually feel like I’m listening to what you have to say. Not that it will matter because by that point I’ll already have you figured out – come on, you don’t think you’re special, do ya? Remember, I’ve talked to a million women before.

Then it’s on to my agenda.

From that point forward I will not ask you any follow-up questions, or act like I want to know more about what you think. Instead we’ll make it about me, my agenda and my point of view. And let’s not kid ourselves, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? What I think? Me, me, me?

I’ll tell you how I feel about this research into why more women over 50 are buying online instead of shopping at brick-and-mortal stores. You just stand there and listen. And for giving you the privilege of my expertise and knowledge, all I ask from you in return is, no questions!

By the end of our time together, there will probably be other women in my house who will also be there to share their opinion but I know are really there to hear what I have to say on the subject – so I hope you understand if I don’t have time to say “thanks for coming over” or “hope you have a great day” or smile and wave at you as you leave or any of that warm and squishy nonsense. And I won’t show you to the door, either – I mean, you found your way in, didn’t you?

The only other thing I ask is that you tell all your friends how smart I am and what a great time you had at my house. And if you were in some sort of bad mood when you came in and are letting that bad mood cloud your judgement so that you think you didn’t have such a good time - well – just keep that to yourself, okay?

Otherwise, I can hardly wait to have you over. I know you’re going to have a great time!

Of course there is another option for sharing your thoughts about this research on why more women are buying online…an on-line form. Yes you can just go on the internet and fill it out and you’re done.

 

But I know you’d never go online and do that. It would be sooo much more fun for you to express yourself in person…

Wouldn’t it?

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, professional secret shopper, marketing strategist and host of “The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show,” which airs Saturday mornings 8-9am, on 1350 KRNT. Email Jonnie at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.

 

  

Hello shoppers…

In the middle of buying stuff and being good consumers and just living your shopper lives one half-price sale at a time, you may have noticed that, to quote President Ford, “Our long national nightmare is over.”

Ford was referring to Nixon and Watergate. I’m talking about being force-fed TV images of politicians jumping and shrieking like teeth – bearing monkeys at an approaching leopard.

That leopard is health care reform. Yesterday Congress passed it. Today President Obama will sign it. And everything will go back to normal – no more screaming monkeys.

And Avatar is a documentary about the residents of Bozeman, Montana.

 

Regardless of its realities – I want everything to cost $000.00, so if that’s what reform will do for medicine, let’s quickly move on to fast food, satellite TV, rent and car reform – health care reform also needs to reform the way doctors and nurses engage us.

I”m not talking about when we’re flu-puking up our guts or any other medical emergency that takes us to the ER. At that point, we could give a hoot and a holler if physicians and nurses smiled, frowned or screamed at us like freaked-out monkeys. Just make the pain go away.

What is problematic is the way that many doctors and their support staff treat us when we visit their offices for check-ups and out-patient procedures.

 

While more medical schools that ever offer training in a physician’s attitude as part of the overall doctor’s skill-set development, the emphasis remains on the incredible array of skills and knowledge needed to diagnose and treat patients. I encourage that emphasis. I prefer an irritable Jonas Salk over Bozo The Clown with a scalpel – that’s a Stephen King novel. Ewww, creepy!

But the two are not mutually exclusive.

Tell me this – when is the last time a nurse took your vital signs (typically before the doctor enters the room) and told you what those vital signs are, without you having to ask like she’s your mom and you’re 6 years old? How often are you greeted when you enter a doctor’s office – with something other than that ole’ closed ended favorite, “Can I help you?” No, I just stopped in to see what sick people look like. Thanks!

You may have a wonderfully engaging doctor, or be blessed with nurses who smile and remember your name – you are lucky and you know it.

But the gap remains – how consistently friendly and engaging are the majority of people to whom we have made ourselves completely vulnerable, who touch, probe and feel our bodies, in whom we give our full faith and trust, to diagnose and treat us? Shouldn’t the rules of retail apply more to physicians and nurses?

The phone book is full of doctors, just like its loaded with places to purchase clothes and buy snacks and get your front end aligned, although not all under one roof. (Rats! I let the cat out of the bag – someone from Wal-Mart just read this and shouted, “Ahhh-HAA!”) We can certainly shop until we find the doctor that meets our customer service requirements.

 

 But that can be a challenge. The practice of medicine demands a dominant left-brain – analytical observation, reasoned analysis and diagnosis. There may not be much room left in most physician’s heads for thinking about pulling a surgical glove over it and blowing it up with their nose. 

So what about training? If you think that teaching proper bedside manner to med students is required in medical school, think again, Dr. Welby. (Now THERE was a doc who knew how to greet!)

I spoke to Dr. Tim McCoy, a physician (not mine) at Mercy South Family Practice in Des Moines. He says that when he was in medical school back in the 90′s, the importance of a doctor’s demeanor towards his/her patients was virtually ignored.

“There was very little, if any training” focusing on bedside manor, said McCoy, who attended Drake and Des Moines University, College of Osteopathic Medicine. “The primary focus was on diagnosis and treatment.”

Things are changing. McCoy says that more emphasis is now placed on the emotional dynamic between the doctor and patient.  

“We’ve had some seminars through Mercy in the last couple of years that focused on improving bedside manner,” says McCoy. There are also companies hired by health organizations that create “secret shopper” scenarios for physicians, who are then graded on their overall people skills.

Des Moines University has also developed SPAL, or Standardized Performance Assessment Laboratory, which uses actual people (paid) who pretend to be patients, so students can practice and hone their communication skills.

Think I’m nuts for suggesting that it matters whether a doctor is nice or not? Sue me!

 

Which is what we do more often to mean doctors. Research done in 2004 at Harvard University, compared the personalities of surgeons who had been sued over and over with those who had never been sued. The research found that doctors who had warmer, more expressive voices, were never sued, while those who spoke with a more dominant tone, got the calls from our attorneys.

Here’s another idea that probably has supportable research but I’m too tired to Google it. What about the placebo effect? Ya know - when you give someone a pill that they think is medicine to make them feel better and they take it and do feel better but it turns out the pill wasn’t medicine but just some capsule full of sugar?

If the placebo effect exists – if we can think ourselves healthy with a pill - isn’t it then fair to surmise that simple acts of kindness from doctors and nurses can influence us, filling us with the medicine of their smiles and laughter and joy and empathy and nurturing, helping us feel worthy of being healthy, and undeserving of being ill?

Okay it’s a stretch. But it beats thinking about the next round of health care reform debate. Screaming monkeys – I think I’m gonna be sick!

 

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, professional secret shopper, marketing strategist and radio show host. “The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show” airs Saturday mornings from 8-9am, on 1350 KRNT. Email him at Jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.

  

Hello shoppers…

Many, if not most businesses use security cameras, to protect employees from being assaulted by customers.

Businesses rarely use those same cameras to protect customers from being assaulted by employees who use bad customer service tactics.

 

 

It seems like an obvious tool. The cameras are already there, taping the goings on at the check-out counter, in case a patron swipes a sandwich or opens fire. If audio isn’t part of the videotaping process, it can be added for a couple hundred bucks. The camera might also need to be re-positioned, to provide a closer view of the customer and employee. I’d also make sure the video was streamed live to the business owner’s PC – and that every employee knew it.

Then there’s the marketing value. I’d feel very comforted as a shopper to visit a store where a sign hung by the cash register that read: “Your transaction is being video-taped for customer service training purposes.” Awesome. This owner and these employees must really be committed to taking care of me.

So how would business owners use this tool? Easy – make employees watch themselves.

When I was but a young 24-year-old pup starting my radio broadcast career at KKRL in Carroll, Iowa in 1989, my program director insisted I “air check” my morning show every day, using a “skimmer,” which was a cassette deck specially wired into the microphone. It would only start recording when the air talent turned the mic on – the resulting audio clips would be listened to and reviewed later, together, by program director and show host.

Ewww. Nothing sounds more like fingernails down a chalkboard (other than fingernails) than the difference between the brilliant riff you think you did about Michael Jackson’s pet monkey and the reality of hearing it bomb. Tape doesn’t lie. And the program director didn’t have to say a word – I would just sit there, cringing.

 

 

Once you’ve captured the video, schedule regular weekly employee reviews, one-on-one. Watch the video in a private office with the door closed. This is a very vulnerable moment for employees, and no time to be hyper-critical – you don’t have to beat them up because they’ll be too busy doing it themselves. 

But don’t rely exclusively on an employee’s own self-judgement. Make sure you’ve established expectations and criteria. (See “The Ten Commandments Of Customer Service.”) A nice mix of humbling and encouragement can transform your staff into customer service stars.

We can teach ourselves everything we need to know – if given a little perspective. Videotape gives employees a customer’s perspective, and offers something more effective than the owner constantly complaining, “You’re not smiling, people!” If your business doesn’t have a videotaping system, spend the $1,000 and get it, and know it’s worth it – considering bad customer service costs businesses over a billion dollars a year in this country. Patrons spend less money, don’t come back and spread the word about their bad experience.

So install a security camera and protect your business from being robbed. And from being held up.  

 

Odds and Ends…

You never know who you’ll see out shopping. I went into Caribou Coffee on Ingersoll a few nights ago, walked past a man sitting with his kids, and did a double-take – it was Governor Chet Culver. Suddenly my coffee tasted better and the store seemed nicer. Hmmm. Wonder if he’d consider working as a “paid customer” for my client’s businesses – just in case his Gov gig doesn’t work out…

Hats off to the entire crew at the Quik Trip on Ingersoll (Did I ever leave that road last week?) Mike, the store manager and the entire staff do an extraordinary job of greeting, smiling and laughing it up with customers – no easy task considering how busy the counter gets. Look for an upcoming blog post taking a closer look at QT and other businesses that work hard to create a customer service culture inside their four walls.

 

You’ve read the blog, seen the newspaper article and bought the action figure. (Think of a shopping cart-pushing G.I. Joe with no muscle tone.) Now hear the audio, with the debut of “The Unsecret Shopper Radio Show,” hitting Des Moines airwaves this Saturday from 8-9am on AM1350, KRNT. We’re still working on getting Mark Rogers as the show’s first guest – stay tuned.

 

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, marketing strategist and radio show host. Email him at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.  

 

Hello shoppers…

If you watched the Academy Awards last night, you saw one of the best examples of customer service you’re likely to see all year. If only we could hire Steve Martin as a store greeter.

The Oscar ceremony is the ultimate retail showroom for Hollywood. The business owners (studios) have their employees (movie stars) greet their customers (viewers) and showcase their products (movies). 

The more we’re entertained during the telecast, the longer we’ll watch, the more we’ll remember and the more we’ll talk about it the next day. The resonant impact of this great “customer service” is higher movie ticket sales, DVD rentals and ratings, plus powerful image branding of stars, directors, movies, studios and the entire industry.

What can business owners learn from the great customer service model that is The Academy Awards?

 

First, blow customers away from the beginning.

There have been some lame Oscar openings - big production numbers featuring dancing furniture, loooong monologues by Billy Crystal. The ratings in these cases usually bomb. But most of the time, Oscar show producers hook viewers right away, with big lights and big music and lots of star shots and sharp humor – the 10 second rule applies, just as in retail.

 

Second, smile, smile, smile!

Hollywood, for us non-star types, is a fantasy world where famous people make lots of money enjoying privileged lifestyles the rest of us can only dream about. While the reality may be less idealic (Marilyn Monroe, River Phoenix, Francis Farmer, etc) the brand demands puttin on a happy face – which is why you’ll rarely see a shot of a frown during the Oscar telecast. And if a non-smilin star suddenly notices a camera pointing their way, their face will immediately light up. I’m a star! See how happy I am that you’re watching?

If only retail employees would adopt this same philosophy (sigh)

 

Third, assail the senses.

The Oscar ceremony is (for the most part) a non-stop romp of visually stunning grandeur and plush orchestral magnificence. It leverages the best of what is possible in cinema into a tour de force experience for viewers. And while it may have steadily lost viewership over the years, the Academy Awards show does exactly what great retail stores should do – create an overwhelming sensory experience for the audience.  

 

Fourth, upsell.

The entire Academy Awards telecast is one big drawn-out drama, scientifically researched and carefully choreographed to generate maximum viewership and interest. The exact time and order of each Oscar awarded is strategically designed to build on the previous one. Each award given is a little more important than the last – an emotional upselling to the viewer that guarantees they’ll hang around until the end.

In the hands of the skilled, great retail is delivered in this same fashion, with flair and panache and dramatic build-up, until the customer simply won’t settle for anything less than the best of what you’ve got. As I tell trainees over and over, everybody sells the same stuff. Customers come for the show.    

 

Fifth, keep it moving.

 Long Oscar acceptance speeches are akin to an employee rambling on about the advantages of electronic ignition vs. pull start. The longest Academy Awards acceptance speech, a nearly six minute dirge delivered by the bloviating Greer Garson (after receiving a Best Actress nod for her performance in 1942′s Mrs. Miniver) soon led the Oscar committee to impose a 45 second limit – which is now strictly adhered to, except at the end of the show, when the biggest awards of the night are handed out…

 

Last, save the best for last.

 …which brings us to the final point. Waiting to announce the Best Picture, Actor and Actress awards until the end of the telecast is kinda like grocery stores putting the stuff we need most in the very back of the store. We may not like it, but in the end we’ll still walk all the way past the produce and garbage bags of ”Best Sound – Foreign Animated Documentary” to get to the end of the candy aisle, where Sandra Bullock just won her first Best Actress Oscar.  

Sweet.

 

Jonnie Wright is a customer service evaluator and trainer, marketing strategist and ad writer. Email him at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.

 

Hello shoppers…  

LET'S GET READY TO GROVEL!

 

And WELCOME to Apology Smackdown 2010!

Today, 3 mea culpas will go head to head to head for the right to be crowned “Apologist Of The Year!” But first, let’s meet our apologists!

 

Akio ”Crash” Toyoda – Toyota Motors chief executive. Besieged by bad brakes, he’s no longer “Mr. Reliable” but keeps moving forward - can anyone stop Toyoda?

Mark “Hasta Luego” Rogers - owner of Legends Restaurant. His wild gyrations can throw off opponents, yet he can be taken out of his game when things get hairy.

Tiger “Bad Lie” Woods - Golf pro. Ongoing hospitalization for chronic skankitis has limited his ability to swing.   

 

And there’s the sound of weeping, signaling the start of play!

 

Toyoda: “I offer my apologies for the worries.”

Mark: “I shouldn’t have lost my temper and I’m sorry.”

Tiger: “I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior.”  

Tiger comes out strong and sets the pace although Mark’s opening is also solid. But Toyoda misfires – we’re talking about cars killing people and he sounds like he forgot to call his parents after Prom! Although it could have been a bad translation!

 

Toyoda: “We have caused lots of concern and worry and we are sorry.”

Mark: “Usually Mondays are really slow.”

Tiger: “I have a lot to atone for.”

Toyoda comes back with a nice flurry! Tiger brings it strong, especially with “atone” and it’s religious connotation. But Mark goes to the lame excuse early - it’s the restaurant business in 2010, Mark, EVERY day is slow! 

 

Toyoda: “This kind of procedure is good for customers.”

Troy: “I want to extend my sincere apologies to all the teachers out there.”

Tiger: “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable.”

And we have our first substitution! In for Mark is Troy Lebeck, Director of Restaurant Operations for Legends, with a nice recovery! Toyoda whifs again by appearing to claim that a recall is good for their customers – like a philandering spouse telling his wife that an AIDS test would be good for their marriage! Speaking of which, Tiger has opened up a huge lead with the strongest statement of the Smackdown!

 

Toyoda: “As a company, our intention is to sincerely give 100% cooperation.”

Troy: “Legends has donated thousands of dollars to area schools, from simple fundraisers to feeding the football teams, to after prom parties, to little league sponsorships.”

Tiger: “From the learning center students in southern California to the Earl Woods scholars in Washington D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.”

Down goes Tiger! Down goes Tiger! And he takes Troy with him! As both men stumble to the canvas with a “look at all the good I’ve done” thud! But can Toyoda take advantage of the opening? No! Cooperation only came after enough Camry owners crashed, burned and popped like kernels and the Feds threatened to jump in!

 

Toyoda: ”We want to make our best effort to deal with this matter for our customers’ security and safety.”

Mark: “I was overwhelmed in the back and had no idea what situation was going on out there.”

Tiger: “Parents use to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry. It’s hard to admit that I need help, but I do.”

A nice bounce-back by Toyoda! Mark’s back in for Troy, and still rolling out excuses! You’re the owner, Mark – stick your head out and make sure the place isn’t on fire! And speaking of being on fire, there’s Tiger, back with his A game – an unprecedented admission of vulnerability!

 

Toyoda: “We are committed to putting the customer first – it’s our priority.” 

Troy: “I hope you can find the compassion in your hearts to forgive him. Again, my sincere apologies.”

Tiger: ”Finally there are many people in this room and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again. Thank you.”  

Troy’s back in and he and Toyoda both finish strong, but it’s too little too late! As Tiger slams the door on his opponents with a lyrical reference to Kenny Rogers’ “She Believes In Me” and takes Apology Smackdown 2010 to notch his first win of the year!

 

“The most effective apology is the one that never has to be used.” 

                                                                                                                                 -Annoymous

 

(Click here to read the Marc Hansen column about Mark Rogers including my take on the incident and the state of customer service in general.)

 

 

Jonnie Wright is a marketing consultant and customer service trainer in Des Moines, Iowa. Email him at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.

 

Hello shoppers… 

When Toyota suggested to customers that floor mats were to blame for their stuck accelerators (like when the nurse at the Post Office where my mother slung 80 pound mail bags for 12 years, suggested that mom’s chronic back aches were due to her wearing her bra too tight) you had to figure it would be the worst customer service story of the year. 

But hang on, cowboy – here’s one that beats Toyota, hands down (to the emergency brake but it doesn’t work either) 

On Monday, a group of eight teachers was having lunch at Legends, a popular restaurant in downtown Des Moines. This was a familiar sight that day – the entire Des Moines Public School system was holding a teacher’s in-service at the downtown Convention Center and local restaurants were swamped. Considering the sluggish economy and the overall downturn in restaurant business, you’d think this would have been a welcome sight for all the downtown restaurant owners. 

All, apparently, except one. 

One of the teachers noticed a hair in her salad. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but instead of laughing, the teacher, reasonably enough, mentioned it to the group’s server, who, unreasonably enough, responded with “It is not my fault. I didn’t put it there.” 

 

Now in your typical run of the mill customer service fiasco, the teacher retorts, the server stomps off, the teachers walk out, their tables are bussed, the next customers sit down and order, one of them is given the salad with the hair but doesn’t notice and the incident is over and forgotten. 

But not today. 

Seeing a teachable moment, one of the teachers in the group asked another server to see the manager who, using a level of tact similar to the original server, barked at the group to wait while she summoned the owner from the back. 

At this point I want to quote from a first person account of the story written by a teacher who was there: 

“ Several minutes later, an angry man came out and introduced himself as the owner. He repeatedly stated that he was understaffed that day and that was why our service was so poor. Each time we attempted to refocus on our server’s response to the hair, he would reply that the entire staff was stressed out because “all of these teachers keep showing up unannounced to eat”.  

Ahh – so at least we now know who trained the original server and the manager! 

“We told him that our concern was not with the speed of service, but with the response of his server when we told her there was a hair in the salad.  From approximately 5 inches from my face, he yelled, “Let me ask you something! Did she charge you for it?”   

I would have said, “No silly – extra hair is on the house here at Legends. Don’t you know your own policy?“  

Instead she “…told him that we were not charged for it, but the server’s response was inappropriate. He angrily said he did not see what the problem was. He said if “anyone” lets him know of the Des Moines Public Schools in service next year he will be ready for us. We told him that would not be necessary for us, because we would not be coming back.”

The owner in question is Mark Rodgers, who I have had the pleasure of meeting on several occasions – I say “a pleasure” in part because most of those occasions were a couple years ago and not Monday. I’d sent secret shoppers into Mark’s restaurants back then and gotten some less than stellar feedback, which I shared with him. He was concerned but nothing ever came of it. What I recall most about Mark is that he was a nice guy and a bit egocentric but not someone who would completely lose his marbles. 

Like he did Monday.

“At that point he yelled, “Good! Get out! GET OUT! I don’t want any teachers here!” As we were [leaving] we turned to look back and he was standing in the entrance to his kitchen waving. He then yelled, “Get out teachers! We don’t want you here! Go unionize!” Again, we were stunned at his bizarre behavior. Someone in the group said, “Seriously?” He replied by waving his arms in swooping arcs above his head, wildly gyrating his hips in an obscene manner, and yelling, “Hasta luego teachers! Hasta luego! GET OUT!”   

It’s unfortunate that none of the teachers taught Spanish.

Then they all walked out and that’s the end. Except this is where the story really gets started.  

 

In the movie Psycho, Anthony Hopkins tells Janet Lee that “we all go a little mad sometimes.” Back in those days it was easier to go mad – shout at a customer, chop up a motel guest – because consumers’ only recourse was to tell friends about it or maybe write a letter to the newspaper editor.  

Today, with Al Gore’s internet, shoppers have the biggest megaphone in the world to yell and complain into and owners have NO cover – if you own a business and you tick off customers, you’re in deep doo-doo. 

 

And so one of the teachers wrote an account of this unbelievable experience and sent an email blast to her friends who forwarded it to their friends who forwarded and Facebooked and Twittered and IM’d and texted it to their friends, one of whom was a reporter for a local TV station, where the story was transformed from viral legend to hard news.  And now everyone knows, while Mark profusely apologizes on camera and wants to make things right – three days late and how many thousands of dollars in lost revenue short. 

But hey, don’t blame me - I secret shopped Mark a year and a half ago and told him he had major customer service issues. But did he listen? Noooooo. 

And now things have really gotten hairy.

 

 

Jonnie Wright is a marketing consultant and customer service trainer in Des Moines, Iowa. Email him at jonniewright@thebuyosphere.com.